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This morning I was killed by a man called Shultz. Rudolph Shultz to give him his full name, a porky butcher’s shop owner from the south side of Berlin. Had this not been 1942, and had we not been fighting in one of the bloodiest conflicts in mankind’s history, then perhaps things would have been different. A lot different. Maybe we would even have been friends - me a jolly backpacker looking for tales to tell the boys back home (Porky, Dorky, Spot, Capper, Mapper, Dick and Spud - great guys), him a rosy-faced local of a town I’d be passing through. Perhaps we’d sit in the late afternoon sun over a couple of Bavarian beers, him slapping his lederhosened leg in hilarity as I regaled him with a barrage of anecdotes about 'ze braykeeng of ze vind'. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. What might have been.

Instead, my one meeting with Shultz ended in him performing a crude form of surgery on my intestines with a rusty standardissue German army knife. War does that to people. Turns normal, civil, peace-loving people into rabid dogs of war. But I'm still alive, fighting the fight, taking it to the enemy. And I know I’ll die a hundred times more before the day is out. But I’m not afraid. Why? Because this is a computer game, that’s why. And because no game, no matter how much it tries will ever replicate the true horrors of war. And this one is no exception, though it does have a fair old go.

Split Loyalties

Patches Battlefield 1942 v1.45 Client Patch. This is the full patch from 1.0 to 1.45. To download the incremental patch, click here. 490,857 107.41MB. Demo Battlefield 1942 MultiPlayer Demo. 294,796 130.19MB. Patches Battlefield 1942 Multiplayer Demo v1.1 Patch. Battlefield 1942 is a 2002 first-person shooter video game developed by DICE and published by Electronic Arts for Microsoft Windows and Mac OS X.The game can be played in single-player mode against the video game AI or in multiplayer mode against players on the Internet or in a local area network.

It’s always hard reviewing games based on events as horrendous as WWII. Six-headed alien invaders from the planet Kthragrok I can handle, and fictitious battles against terrorist factions aren’t a problem. But a team-based WWII sim laced with shots of smooth arcadeyness, one in which you respawn every time your body is separated from your limbs feels a little, well, wrong. Disrespectful almost. However, this is a game (obviously) and I’m a games reviewer (what do you mean debatable?), so regardless of the moral tug of war that walks solemnly hand in hand with something like this, I suppose we’d better see how it plays.

There’s been a huge fanfare over Battlefield 1942, and a massive amount of excitement has been generated during the past few months - much of it resonating off the girly-pink walls of the office. 'The best team-based war sim in history,’ some have claimed with bolshy gusto. But is it really? For starters, let me venture a guess here. Those who make that claim haven’t played the single-player campaign yet. A campaign riddled with more holes than a Kan-Kanning soldier in no-man's land. What they’ve played is the massively diverse, exciting and instantly playable multiplayer games. So before we all cream ourselves in happy unison, let’s take each part separately (multiplayer and single-player), dissect them like lab animals and then sew them back up again before making a final judgment? Sound fair to you? Good.

Single-Player Hun

As you may well have guessed. Battlefield's single-player campaign 'Aint all thaayt’. For those of you still a bit hazy about what’s involved, here’s the bit where you need to pay attention. Yes you, the one with the glazed-over look. That’s better. Fighting as either the Allies or the Axis through a series of key WWII battles (based in Africa, the Pacific and Europe), you and your team must prevail through any means at your disposal, first by selecting from one of five unique classes (Assault. Engineer. Anti-Tank, Medic and Scout), and then by utilising any number of vehicles (tanks, jeeps, APCs, ships, planes, bombers) to your advantage.

A limited amount of Command Points means that you only have a finite amount of equipment. The first team to run out of Command Points are the losers. It's that simple. No actually, I lied. Had you going for a moment though, eh? Actually, it really isn’t that simple at all in the single-player campaign, purely because your team-mates are the biggest collection of no-brained idiots you’re ever likely to encounter this side of a vegetable patch. To give you anidea, here’s just one example of what you might expect.The level starts. Everyone jumps into the nearest vehicle and drives off in random directions. You bring up your orders menu. 'Stick together!’’ you scream. Everyone drives off in random directions. 'Follow me!' Everyone drives off in random directions. Best emulator legend of zelda ocarina of time characters. 'Back me up and I’ll let you sleep with my sister!' Everyone drives off in random directions.

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Antares complete. Some vehicles have room for a driver and a gunner. Great you think, an Al driver will let me scatter bullets all over the battlefield and mow down the enemy without having to worry about steering. Right? No. An Al driver will usually make sure you drive off in the opposite direction to the enemy, allowing you to scatter bullets at badgers in the middle of a random field. But it gets better. Oh hold on, did I say better? I meant worse.. and better. Confused? Read on..

For Better Or Worse

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Stripping down to my bare torso I bear down on the enemy lines. Bazooka in hand, machine gun up each nostril, I rain down death on the hapless foe. The body count clocks up like a 1980s action movie, as I cut through their ranks like a scythe, when suddenly.. defeat. My team’s defeat, that is. Baffled I try again, this time with new tactics. Donning a lacy dress. I sit at HQ playing hopscotch, stopping only to stroke a passing puppy and to pick a flower from a lush meadow and admire its beauty, whensuddenly.. victory. The lack of teamwork is bad enough, but the feeling of having no bearing on the outcome of a battle simply makes you wonder why you bother. Sometimes you can literally do nothing and win. other times you're death incarnate, but your team gets annihilated anyway. Go figure.

Don't worry though, it's not quite as bad as it sounds. You soon learn that if no one’s going to back you up, then you’re just going to have to support them. Linking up with a couple of friendly tanks as they wade into an enemy base and wiping out a superior force is a very satisfying experience. Jumping into a plane for a spot of dogfighting is also supremely rewarding, once you've mastered it and know what you’re doing. Manning massive cannons on board battleships and pounding the broadside of a passing aircraft carrier is exhilarating, and the first time you pull off an accurate bombing run is simply sublime. What's more, the dynamic campaign counts your successes and failures as a whole rather than as isolated battles, making you feel as though you’re embroiled in a massive conflict where both you and the enemy can afford to lose the odd battle and still prevail.

The levels are sprawling, varied and beautifully designed, with subtle vantage points to be uncovered and exploited for the good of your team. So you see. it's far from being all bad. Very far, in fact. Under the bugs and glitchy Al. there is a stunning game. So let’s get rid of the Al and replace it with real people, as we move swiftly onto the multiplayer game.

Keeping It Real

Multiplayer is where Battlefield 1942 really comes into its own (see the Playing With Each Other boxout for more details). It's how it's meant to be played. Find a group who are willing to play as a team, and you’ll soon realise it’s one of the most rewarding, in-depth and diverse multiplayer games you’ve ever expenenced. Apart from a few annoying bugs (pushing soldiers along with a tank when they should be being ground into a bloody pulp under the tracks),